Thursday, October 10, 2013

One big truth

I feel extremely vulnerable posting pictures of myself.
Any pictures.
On the blog, on Instagram, on Facebook, even on my desk at work where my face in the frame is situated neatly between the smiles I love the most.
My hair is a little too stringy, my legs a little too long, my face a little too wrinkled, my waist a little too squishy.
But, in the name of capturing memories,
I take them, and sometimes, I even share them.
Especially if my hair is cooperating, or the lighting and I make an under-the-table deal and my imperfections are camouflaged just long enough for the flash to do its blinding thing and the shutter to make its magical click.
But in this one, the lighting is not just right.
I am wearing no makeup, I have three day hair, my face is stained with tears.
But this picture is different.
It's not about me.
Or how I look.
It's about His truth.
One big truth.

Courtney DeFeo is hosting a blog linkup today in which contributors share two pictures (one before, one after) and one big truth.

I have never felt as weak as I did before God showed me His truth.

I would imagine this is how men and women on The Biggest Loser feel.
Standing on a scale comparable in size to the Statue of Liberty for their weight to be plastered on billboards, shouted from megaphones.
Before pictures emphasizing their flaws, their flab, their imperfections for all the world to see. For all the world to judge.
Everything, every part of them, fully exposed.
Even when the challenge is over.
The weight has been lost.
Victory over their battle has been declared.
When the before picture is again shown, you can see the vulnerability, the insecurity, the emotion arise. Erupting from the place where they shoved it underneath their hard fought physique.
That's me.
The before was taken on Mother's Day.
My very first Mother's Day.
Exactly two days after my Baker Boy was born.
Baker was scheduled to arrive on June 4, 2012.
We planned, I planned, in very Type A fashion, for him to arrive on June 4.
But he had different plans.
Better yet, He had different plans.
I would love to share Baker's Birth Story with you.
You can read it here.
It shares very special details from that most incredible day.
It shares about how Baker made is debut earlier than expected.
How he was born with Down Syndrome.
How he was whisked away to the NICU.
How he was warmed under bili lights.
How his eyes were covered with a mask.
How he was tangled beneath cords and tubes.
How after his birth late Friday night, I didn't get to hold him again until Sunday.
This before picture captures that moment.
That moment when Baker and I were reunited.
When they turned off the lights, and removed the mask, and untangled the cords just so for me to hold my precious baby.
That moment, with diagnosis in hand, my world slowly shifting from the one with my hopes and dreams, to the one in which I live out His plan to bring Him glory.

The before.
With my fears.
My worries.
My weaknesses.
His one big truth didn't come in a bolt of lightning.
I didn't sit up straight in bed one night because of a dream.
It wasn't an epiphany.
I am certainly not saying God cannot work like that, He can work in whatever incredibly big way or extremely small fashion He chooses.
For me, he has made this truth known again and again.
His faithfulness evidences it daily.
When I am weak, He is strong.
In Matthew, He declares, "Come to me all who are weary and heavy burdened and I will give you rest."
He is strength in my weakness.

He is wide awake when I am fatigued.
In my slumber, He supports.
He is my ever present help in times of trouble.
He stands when I lie down.
The after.
 He meets all my needs according to His glorious riches.
When I am weak, He is strong.
 And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ’s sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong.2 Corinthians 2:9-10


  1. I'm pretty sure that if we ever met we would quickly become friends. Another honest post - you are real. Real about motherhood, your weaknesses, emotions we all experience, but too proud to admit. I'm looking forward to your post about Baker and sign language. I'm really interested in y'all's approach. I'm learning quickly that experienced parents with DS children are the best teachers.


  2. What a beautiful love story from God to you Jenn. You are beautiful just as you are. No make or fluff needed. Your baby is pure sweetness!

  3. jenn - this is so amazing. really beautiful. thank you for sharing!

  4. So precious you and him. Thanks for sharing your heart and your one big truth!

  5. I love this. Thank you for sharing.

  6. Beautiful! Absolutely beautiful!