Waves

I started blogging shortly after Baker was born. It was a wonderful means by which to share our new addition with family and friends, but it was also something more. God called me out upon the waters to be open and transparent about our journey in raising a child with Down Syndrome. He equipped me with a boldness I had never known for His name to be glorified for what he was doing in our lives. Over the next three years, I began to blog less and less about Down Syndrome and more about life because Down Syndrome became less and less our life and more just a part of our life. The emotions and fears that were so raw and so present began to subside and were replaced with encouragement and hope for the future. But some days, even days more than three years later, a conversation, or a seed of discouragement, or a label tossed about flippantly brings back the waves of emotion so big they threaten to pull my feet right out from under me and leave me fighting for breath. 

 

 

 

 

 

"Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders 

Let me walk upon the waters

Wherever you would call me

Take me deeper than my soul could ever wander 

That my faith would be made stronger 

In the presence of my Savior."

 

 

Original post on July 17, 2012.

Emotions, for me, are like waves. Some are so big, they pull my feet right out from under me and leave me fighting for breath. Others are soothing, comforting, rafts upon which I find comfort and solace.

The emotions I have experienced upon learning of Baker's diagnosis have been no different. From the dark December day we learned there was a heightened chance of our child being born with Down Syndrome, to this cheery day with sunshine illuminating all, emotions have abounded. What began as fear, uncertainty, trepidation, bitterness, and worry, intense worry...emotions so strong, they pulled me under, drowning me, have transpired into joy, unspeakable joy, a wave begging to be ridden.

For me, fear lies in the unknown. How will Baker's kindergarten classmates accept him? Will he share his daddy's passion for the outdoors and be able to hunt and fish and do all things boy? Will he drop a love note in his crush's locker? Will he be sent to detention for shooting spitballs at the ceiling? Will I get to see my son wait for his bride at the end of aisle? Will he make me a Nana? Will he? Will he? Will he? All questions a mother asks herself as she anticipates her child's future. When I think about these things, these things that pale in comparison to the one dream I should have for my son, then I worry, then I am sucked under by the crashing waves. 

But when I trust God with Baker's life, He reminds me of my one responsibility as Baker's mommy. It has nothing to do with his life on this Earth and everything to do with spending Eternity with my son. When I focus on raising my boy to live a life glorifying his Father, then I have peace. The worry disappears, and I have faith in God's plans for our lives.

Grab your boards, folks, cause that's a wave worth catching and riding all the way to the shore!