Waves

Emotions, for me, are like waves. Some are so big, they pull my feet right out from under me and leave me fighting for breath. Others are soothing, comforting, rafts upon which I find comfort and solace.

The emotions I have experienced upon learning of Baker's diagnosis have been no different. From the dark December day we learned there was a heightened chance of our child being born with Down Syndrome, to this cheery July afternoon, emotions have abounded. What began as fear, uncertainty, trepidation, bitterness, and worry, intense worry...emotions so strong, they pulled me under, drowning me, have transpired into joy, unspeakable joy, a wave begging to be ridden.

For me, fear lies in the unknown. How will Baker's kindergarten classmates accept him? Will he share his daddy's passion for the outdoors and be able to hunt and fish and do all things boy? Will he drop a love note in his crush's locker? Will he be sent to detention for shooting spitballs at the ceiling? Will I get to see my son wait for his bride at the end of aisle? Will he make me a Nana? Will he? Will he? Will he? All questions a mother asks herself as she anticipates her child's future. When I think about these things, these things that pale in comparison to the one dream I should have for my son, then I worry, then I am sucked under by the crashing waves. 

But when I trust God with Baker's life, He reminds me of my one responsibility as Baker's mommy. It has nothing to do with his life on this Earth and everything to do with spending Eternity with my son. When I focus on raising my boy to live a life glorifying his Father, then I have peace. The worry disappears, and I have faith in God's plans for our lives.

Grab your boards, folks, cause that's a wave worth catching and riding all the way to the shore!

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, with prayer and petition, present your requests to God. And the peace of God which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7