Thursday, November 7, 2013

Why me?

The one show I watch all week, Scandal, is on, but my brain won't let me commit to watching it until I churn out a few thoughts. So, here goes. A very quick Thursday evening post.

Why me?

Do you ever ask yourself that?

I had a fender bender. In five o'clock traffic. After I had already taken off my bra. Why me?

My husband and I have been trying for six years to get pregnant. We will be the best mother and father a child could hope for. But, alas, we wait. Why me?

Of the 1.5 million people that choose flying as their mode of transportation today, I am the one that got chosen to be strip searched, suitcase ransacked. Like a criminal, my Gap jeans and Victoria's Secret unmentionables were strewn across the airport in search for who knows what? Why me?

No? You don't ask that? Just me?

As long as we're being honest, I have, on occasion asked why me in response to many life events. Although I pinky promise that each of the aforementioned scenarios are completely hypothetical. Used only to make a case. Honest. Hypothetical. Especially the first one. Honest.

I've uttered a few why me's? Although they came more as a whine than an utter. And usually they are petty. Like Mugshots is out of my favorite hamburger. Or there are no front row parking spots. Or I have to work today. Why me?

There's another that's a little less petty, but still not warranted.

So while we are being honest, I would not be truthful if I said that we received Baker's diagnosis and shot fireworks, released balloons and threw a party in celebration.

There were many why me's called out in the hospital. Holding my baby, his precious little body in mine. Why me? Lord Jesus, why me? Why a child with a disability? Why the medical bills? Why the delays? Why me? Why did the Lord choose me?

But tonight, after a parent teacher meeting at school, where our talented fifth graders presented a heartwarming tribute to veterans, it wasn't the performers some rushed to greet, but Baker. Visitors received coveted hugs, day brightening smiles, air blown kisses.

And I thought, why me? Why do I get to receive this blessing? Why did the Lord choose me? Why have I been the recipient of such love? Why do I get to celebrate the gift of his life? Why do I get to witness the blessing of his smile? Why do I get to see seemingly simple milestones accomplished after the work of intense perseverance and dedication? Why me? Why, of all the others, did Jesus choose me to be Baker's mommy?

This side of heaven, I may never know. And that's okay with me.

I'm just glad He chose me. I am so very glad He chose me.

If you are there, at the intersection of Why Me and Dear God Why Me, I am praying for you. I covet the opportunity to pray for you specifically, to call you by name to our Jesus. That He turn your sorrows into dancing your weeping to laughter.

"As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts higher than your thoughts."
Isaiah 55:9


  1. Ok Jenn, you can pray for me and my kids! I am just finding my faith after a lot of sorrow and mistakes, and I welcome prayers from anyone with love. Virginia

    1. Virginia, I covet the opportunity to pray for you and your children. I have called your name specifically my sweet Jesus, who is higher and greater than any other, throughout the day today. I will continue to lift you up and pray comfort for your family. Much love, my new friend.

  2. I have had the same thoughts about "why me?" as well. I am the mother of a 26 weeker preemie. It has taken me until now to really heal from this experience and accept God’s new plan for my life. Things did not work out the way I originally wanted them to, but looking back I wouldn’t have had them any other way. It is out of trial and tribulation that we are able to grow as humans. God chose me to travel on this journey. If someone had to be the mother of a preemie, why NOT me? I have a supportive husband and a loving family. I have resources and a background in education to give a child every advantage. I have the finances to pay hospital bills if necessary. I have my relationship with God. I’m not one to let these challenging times go to waste—I’d rather use what God has brought me to encourage others. God doesn’t give us more than we can handle and sometimes he lets us go through hard times because it ultimately brings him glory. As I look to the future, I hope to be able to expand my family with another child. With God’s help, I can handle this again, if that’s what He gives me and He will see me through. Even if it’s just as hard as last time. Even if there is a longer NICU stay or more obstacles to make it home. Even if we never have another child at all. God’s got this and I’ve got this and why NOT me? Because no matter what happens in life and whatever God has in store, He will be walking with me and I’ll be fine.


    1. Julia,

      I love your attitude and I love your faith! I will be praying for you and your baby. You are so right, "God's got this," and there are days He will walk beside you, and there are days He will carry you because you cannot walk. But never forget, He is there. He is my strength when I am weak. And He uses friends like you to provide encouragement on days when I need it most.

      Thank you for sharing. Blessings to you!