Walking in faith

I was holding Baker's hands last night, as he bounded proudly across the living room floor. He was none too quiet, as he celebrated each deliberate step. I begged him to take one teensy step without my assistance. I tried, ever so sneakily, to remove one of my hands from the death grip he had employed to hold it captive. He grunted time and again signaling his disapproval. As soon as I would withdraw one hand, he would plop clumsily on his bottom and wait, with the impatience one would expect from an almost two year old, for me to surrender both hands. Without hesitation, he confidently grasped both hands, and proceeded with his trek across the hardwood floor.

We continued this song and dance of me imploring him to walk, and him unwavering in his stance to do nothing of the sorts without my complete support.

I know he can walk without holding both of my hands. I have seen him do it. On more than one occasion, we have taken the long walk into school with him holding one of my hands, while I juggle his matching lunchbox and backpack in the other.

But not last night. Last night, he was wholly dependent on me.

As I became frustrated at this seeming regression, the Lord placed a thought on my heart.

How many times have I, as a follower of Christ, eager to walk in His ways, sat unmoved waiting for Him to carry me? How many times have I lacked the faith to step out on my own? How many times have I waited for Him to hold both of my hands? How many times have I traded boldness for timidity? How many times have I been untrusting?

Even when I have walked in faith before, trusting Him to catch my fall.
Even knowing He is walking beside me.
Even when I know walking in His path is the only path upon which to walk.

Sometimes my Christian walk mirrors that of a toddler, teetering back and forth between faithfulness and a very obvious lack of faith.

Tonight, as Baker and I walk around the house, I pray that I will nurture his growth. I pray that I will support him, and give him the confidence he needs to take steps independently, all while knowing that I will catch his every fall.

And tonight, as I pray for the Lord to use me in whatever way He chooses to for His glory, I will also pray that I will be willing to allow Him to "take me deeper than my soul would ever wander, that my faith will be made stronger in the presence of my Savior."